Many people dream of the perfect romance and a partner that will sweep us off of our feet and into the sunset of an eternally happy ever after. In fact, most of us are probably guilty of daydreaming about our “perfect match” sometimes. But how can it affect our real relationships when our partners don’t meet our picture perfect dreams? This doesn’t mean we should settle for someone we’re miserable with, but it does mean that we should always expect to put work into a relationship. Think of it as an artistic masterpiece; you and your partner are the tools and you have to work together to make the canvas beautiful. We can be happy and fulfilled in a relationship, but not if we expect the canvas to paint itself!
She is tired of running after making money, he is tired of running after relationships, tired of running after competitions and then fell down and realised that they couldn’t go on any more. Seen and bearing an overwhelming burden of troubles and responsibility. They have already seen it all, can do it all and want nothing except to rest in peace.
And then they suddenly start to see life in a different way. It often happens against a background of too much work, of feeling completely run-down and experiencing ridiculous levels of stress. When you’ve ended up in a hospital, you end up understand a thing or two about life.
Tired people, bit by bit, are the ones who manage to change everything, and change themselves. They learn to live again, managing to subjugate their circumstances to themselves, their own needs and requirements, their desires, and their biological clock. They take full control of their life by not trusting the moods and decisions of their employers. They they take up watercolour painting and read lots of books; they learn to cook; they go for walks in a park and play with their kids. They learn how to just breathe again, having understood that having enough money for just one handbag, as it turns out, is quite enough.
They learn to live here and now, enjoying every minute.
This is why for quite a long time already we’ve had such terms as ’downshifting’ and anti-consumerist societies; this is why freelancing and spending winters in huts in India is so popular.
Success. This definition of it, the whole idea of it, is arguably one of the biggest lies we ever get told in our lives.
None of this stuff is important.
But the only people who can realise it are the people who are deeply tired of life, for whom nothing matters as much as peace of mind. The chance to not have to run anywhere, not to prove anything to anybody. To live, rather than just survive till the end.
Avoid the “I Just Need To Work Harder” Trap
If you tend to react to stress, struggling, or exhaustion by attempting to just work harder, try slowing down instead.
As above, you’re likely already trying your best. Telling yourself that the answer to solving your problems is just working harder isn’t likely to be an accurate thought.
The trap here is that by telling yourself the problem is not working hard enough, you’re likely to close yourself off to trying new ways of coping. An example I see in my practice all the time is people who respond to overeating by telling themselves they just need to try harder to stick to their diet next time. By attributing the problem to not trying hard enough, they try to solve it throughwillpower rather than seeking other strategies.
“Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.” – Wikipedia
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive
“The state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another”
The problem is, when we commit too fast, we don’t give the potential union enough time to develop the trust it will need to survive the meatballs people bring into relationships.
**It is a very common thing to get into relationships to avoid or forget problems. Victims of bad parenting or a history of abuse are often seen getting into such relationships as a means of escape. Many people often jump from relationship to relationship by embarking on a “rebound” before they give themselves time to heal from the hurt, pain, or loneliness from their previous relationship. Such bonds may bring passion, purpose and excitement in the short term, but fail to survive, as they are not based on love.
Al the wrong Reasons:
Post break-up blues:
Sometimes the sadness and depression which accompany virtually every relationship breakdown don’t kick in until six to nine months later and this difficult time can be made even more painful and complex if you¿re already in another relationship.
‘The emotional effects of a break-up nearly always catch up with you at some point and can have a serious effect on how you behave towards your new partner,’ says Julia. ‘He may well find your sudden unhappiness bewildering and inexplicable – after all, he thought you were contented with him – and this can place a lot of pressure on both of you.’
Splitting up is painful and distressing and falling in love with someone new initially takes away the hurt,’ says relationships expert Julia Cole. ‘When you’ve had this sort of knock, it’s natural and understandable to be with someone who makes you feel better but ultimately the healing process takes longer
This is probably the most dangerous reason why you would want to be in a relationship. There are so many things to do in life to make it more interesting and if you decide to choose a relationship in order to pass the time you will not end up with a life full of happiness. Relationships are about the giving of yourself and the other person giving to you. It is not a hobby to relieve boredom. Don’t go find a boyfriend just so you have someone to take road trips with and eat lunch with at the park. Maybe you should consider meeting new friends, or getting a dog to fill your time, not a man.
Scared to be Alone:
Invariably this leads to choosing the wrong person. The majority of those who get into a relationship for the wrong reasons fall into this category. Many people tend to feel worthless or lacking something when they are single or lonely, but jumping into a relationship to “solve” this will only turn into a huge regret later.
For both men and women, ending a marriage can leave you an emotional mess. It is common to cycle through a range of feelings including anger, depression, anxiety, confusion and loneliness.
Divorce can be a shock to the system to go from having a spouse — even one who hasn’t really been there for you — to truly being alone. This emotionally fragile state can make for an extremely difficult adjustment, which leads many recent divorcees to (unhealthily) jump right into another relationship, commonly referred to as a rebound.
Influenced by Others:
The approval of family and friends is reflected in the way we take their advice. In order not to look like the odd one out, we may listen to their suggestions and date someone that we had no intention of dating. Long lasting and happy relationships start with a solid foundation. The foundation should be the reason that you have decided to embark on a relationship in the first place. A solid foundation will keep you grounded when the storms break out around your relationship. If your foundation is weak, then what you invested in may fall apart. Many times men and women get into relationships because of friends. Many people tend to think ‘Everyone else have someone, why not me?’
Wants a Challenge:
Many times people try to win over others because they are unavailable and are intrigued by a challenge. Winning over a man could be considered a triumph to you and a prize you wont stop fighting for until you get it. Unfortunately the reason that person might not have been available from the start is because they either are already in a relationship, or they just aren’t into you. Not to say that a little bit of a challenge isn’t fun and exciting, but be sure you are fighting for an available and good guy. You’d hate to end up with the “bad, hard to get guy” just to find out he’s just that, a bad guy!
Rebounds seem like a good idea at first:
It’s a fairly common attitude that if you want to get over someone who left you feeling hurt, you go out and find someone new to replace them. This is a simple form of distraction that numbs you from feeling the pain of losing a committed relationship, and it really makes a lot of sense — who wants to feel the full force of heartbreak?
You Have To Learn To Be Happy Being Alone
Speaking of not depending on other people – you really need to learn to be happy being on your own. If you can’t be happy single, then you can’t be happy in a relationship. This means spending some time being totally single. You’ll learn more about yourself and what you want. And that’s important! Practicing Solitude brings so much peace and meaning to life.
We keep denying the contrast of life and living in blur all of shadow of happiness and sorrows, pain, disguise, trauma, depression and deprivation. Everyday news of suicides of farmers in Telnagana, India is grim. I started feeling sad that despite our country is so capable and blessed with abundant natural resources farmers had to take extreme decision of taking their own life, it was no other way left for them than to commit suicide. Yes, this time also the culprit is government. It is the poverty, loan system for farmers which not helped in the time of drought and other uncertainty of weather.
But, what happened to those who has no such extreme reasons to commit suicide? India, many western society’s dream holy destination, who come every year to learn it’s divinity and surpass amongst the whole world how their life changed after visiting rural India, Dharamshala, after participation in yoga retreat in Rishikesh. It’s a quite a loathsome to know that the official estimates of number of Indians take their lives annually as many as 200,000. Almost half of the suicides committed in this country is motivated by family and health reasons.
It’s not surprising to see growing suicide rates in the world are mostly amongst Asian and African countries. while most of the countries with high-suicide rates are daunting cases of poverty and unemployment. This includes, Russia, Turkmenistan, South Sudan, Burundi, Kazakhstan, Nepal, United Republic Of Tanzania, Mozambique, Suriname, Lithuania, Sri Lanka, South Korea, Democratic republic of Korea, Guyana, Comoros, Sudan.Bhutan, Zimbabwe, Belarus,Japan, Hungary, Uganda are just to name it.
But, Wait!!!! What is paradox of developed countries and it’s love for the suicide? Countries in the developed world must have everything good for them. Thier high-income, good health care, Insurance policies, least corruption, access to modern technology and in general higher standard of living look so perfect. Look at the Scandinavian countries. Are not they have the world’s best facilities? Are not they are the happiest people on this earth? More Americans now die more of suicide than in car accident. Ireland has a relatively high rate which is situated within the 18-20 per 100,000 range, though far lower than Baltic countries.
This is ironic, contradiction, paradox and gloomy that we human are stretching ourselves beyond our capacity. Where rich countries and the people are more privileged on the contrary they demand more from life, sensitive to very minute problems and suffer from depression quite often and which leads to more committing of suicides. Where as Unprivileged countries and people suffer being poor, ill and suffocated.
But, we are comparing happiness of others with us and where the most failures happen. We, the human can be each other’s strength, where one’s weaknesses can be other’s strength. We can support each country’s weaknesses and offer what other country’s people got to best to offer and. It can happen without blaming the government anymore. We can create our own society of self-sufficiency. We can help each other emotionally, economically and Intellectually.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama
Interpretation by us: “Happiness is in small things” make us stop dreaming big. Pursuing a Goal. We have to live like “Monk”. We shouldn’t work hard.
Truth: “Happiness is in small things”
We Human beings are naturally lazy. Yes, I admit that I am very lazy at times. But In the world, there is only exists action and inaction. “Happiness is in small things” doesn’t mean that we become lazy and inactive or we shouldn’t pursue anything. The saying doesn’t interpret that we should stop working hard or refrain ourself from making money, wearing a nice dress, buying something for your necessity. The difference is we start comparing to others…other’s house, others car, others job, others look and other’s health. Example: I want to buy the same luxurious car like Elle and in some time I acquired the certain goal. I am very happy about the car, which is same like Elle. But, after few months my happiness fades away gradually. Now, I want something else. Yes, I am not happy about my personal relationship. Why can’t I have a boyfriend same like in that movie? So, It’s goes on and on..and this become insatiable habit. Our Happiness is completely reckoned on external force.
Happiness is in abundance! It’s around us. The whole saying “Happiness is in small things” not alone is the key to happiness though. Undoubtedly it is one of the best way to pursue the Happiness.
proportion of path to the Happiness!!