Lost

Life is painful and messed up. Being alone with my own feelings, feelings who are dancing in mind.  It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.

There was a time, I wanted to disappear. To get so lost that nobody ever found me. To go so far away that I’d never be able to make my way home again. But I have no idea why.

The answer is within me. Most of my life was in autopilot control. When I start taking control of my life for long periods, I feel like imprisoned in my own home. All I need is have a passion!

 

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Refuse to be Stagnant

The point is to keep trying new things, meeting new people, visiting new places. Once you settle into a rut, no matter how fun that rut may seem, you stagnate. You might as well be dead.

The poor man retains the prejudices of his forefathers without their faith, and their ignorance without their virtues; he has adopted the doctrine of self-interest as the rule of his actions, without understanding the science which puts it to use; and his selfishness is no less blind than was formerly his devotedness to others. If society is tranquil, it is not because it is conscious of its strength and its well-being, but because it fears its weakness and its infirmities; a single effort may cost it its life. Everybody feels the evil, but no one has courage or energy enough to seek the cure. The desires, the repinings, the sorrows, and the joys of the present time lead to no visible or permanent result, like the passions of old men, which terminate in impotence.

Entire careers, entire life paths, are carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations. In my situation I have cracked MBA entrance,  then there for many years as a HR which couldn’t feed my craving spiritualism or creativity. At some point of my life, I found myself stucked in some area – morally, intellectually, physically, spiritually, creatively. The term creativity itself a spirituality (which is a different topic to discuss next). I tried writing on spiritual journals to motivational speech to Yoga teaching to Story telling and finally making films. My present career status is : I AM A DOER. I am freelancer, an tiny winny entrepreneur, a writer, yoga and motivational speaker and a filmmaker. May be few years later I would like to try something new again. I will keep evolving. And this is how I literally live everyday.  But this journey which was not so easy, not so easy to survive in this materialistic world, sometimes not even rational too. I  Life is dynamic. It is not static. All living things are either growing and increasing toward maturity, or deteriorating toward decay and death. So how about you — are you growing?

How do I know that I am in a Stagnation. These are the most significant signs :

  • If you have been experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals
  • If you don’t ever feel like doing anything
  • If you keep turning to sleep, eating, games, mindless activities and entertainment for comfort
  • If you know you should be doing something, but yet you keep avoiding it
  • If you have not achieved anything new or significant now relative to 1 month, 2 months or 3 months ago
  • If you have a deep sense of feeling that you are living under your potential

Dr. Chanter, in his brilliant History of Human Thought in the Twentieth Century, has made the suggestion that only a very small proportion of people are capable of acquiring new ideas of political or social behaviour after they are twenty-five years old. On the other hand, few people become directive in these matters until they are between forty and fifty. Then they prevail for twenty years or more. The conduct of public affairs therefore is necessarily twenty years or more behind the living thought of the times. This is what Dr. Chanter calls the “delayed
realisation of ideas.

In summary, here’s a list of things I try to remind myself whenever I’m faced with trying something new:

  1. Trying something new often requires courage. And needing to summon courage is itself a benefit. Once it’s released it will, like its second cousin once removed, anger, indiscriminately engulf everything in its path. How wonderful to open a flood of courage and be carried on its waves to destinations of unexpected benefit.
  2. Trying something new opens up the possibility for you to enjoy something new. Entire careers, entire life paths, are carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations.
  3. Trying something new keeps you from becoming bored. Even I, the most routine-loving person I know, become bored if I’m not continually challenged in some way. And it’s not the new challenges I’m eager to take on that represent my greatest opportunities for growth—it’s the ones I’m not.
  4. Trying something new forces you to grow. We don’t ever grow from taking action we’ve always taken (the growth that enabled us to be able to take it has already occurred). Growth seems to require we take new action first, whether it’s adopting a new attitude or a new way of thinking, or literally  taking new action. Thrusting yourself into new situations and leaving yourself there alone, so to speak, often forces beneficial change. A spirit of constant self-challenge keeps you humble and open to new ideas that very well may be better than the ones you currently hold dear (this happens to me all the time).

Trataka -Gazing Meditation Technique – Part I.

Trataka is a meditation technique which involves focusing the eyes (and, in turn, the mind) through intent but relaxed gazing. Initially, this practice is done with open eyes on an external object. It then progresses to internal practice (with eyes closed), and to gazing the void. Sometimes it’s spelled tratak or tratika.

illusion-rotating-wheelsYou’ll notice in the beginning the wheels appear to be moving. Now look at them again, but instead focus your eyes on one of the dots in the image, and be attentively vigilant that your eyes don’t move even a bit. If you manage to do that, the movements will disappear, and you will see the images for what they are. The second image will probably be more challenging.

If you really stilled your eyes for a minute or two, you might have also experienced a stillness of your mind as well. If not, it becomes evident with a bit more practice.

Conclusion: Distractions in the mind translate to micro movements in the eyes or eyelids, and vice-versa. Stillness of eyes brings stillness of mind, and vice-versa.

In all forms of trataka, you can integrate breath awareness or the repetition of a mantra if you find it helpful, although it’s not commonly taught this way.

There has been very little scientific research in this practice. So what we know in terms of its benefits is mostly all anecdotal evidence from practitioners that have devoted years to its practice. In this context, trataka is attributed to have the following benefits:

  • Improves concentration, memory, and willpower
  • Improves visualization skills
  • Improves cognitive function
  • Cures eye diseases
  • Makes the eyes stronger, clearer, and brighter
  • Helps with insomnia
  • Clears accumulated mental/emotional complexes
  • Brings suppressed thoughts to the surface
  • Increases nervous stability
  • Calms the anxious mind
  • Balances the activity in the two hemispheres of the brain
  • Improves vision in the dark (if practiced on a candle flame)
  • Soothing effect on the cranial nerves
  • Enhances self-confidence and patience

Technique I :

The first level of the practice is external gazing. The object can be almost anything, though the most popular choices are a candle flame, a black dot in a white wall, or an image with particular significance for you. Other objects used are your image in a mirror, transparent glass, a needle, a current of water, the moon in the sky, or the first minutes of the rising sun.

Set your gaze on the object, and keep it there without blinking and without letting your eyes move. After 1 to 3 minutes, your eyes will be tired or tears may be coming. Then close your eyes for a few minutes, and gaze at the afterimage of that object in your mind, if you can see it. When you are ready, open your eyes and go for another round. At the end of your practice, gently wash your eyes with cold water.

Some more practical considerations:

  • Using a candle is a often preferred because the flame has a natural attraction for many people.Fire is like magnet for the eyes and mind. Also, it leaves a very clear after-image in the mind.
  • Don’t practice external trataka for more than 10 minutes (especially the candle-gazing version), unless you have the guidance of a teacher experienced in this technique.
  • The trick in mastering trataka lies in relaxing the eyes as much as possible – otherwise your vision will soon blurr and the eyes will flicker. Don’t worry if all you can do is 10 seconds without blinking; with time you will be able to go long periods without blinking.
  • Place the object at eye level on a little talbe or support ahead of you, in a way that it’s level with your eyes. As to the distance from you, some teachers recommend an arm’s length distance (this works for me), while others recommend up to 5 feet away. Experiment and see what makes most sense.
  • Be sure you can see the object clearly, without blurr. If needed, wear your glasses.
  • If you are using a candle, make your room completely dark, and make sure there is no wind (as the flame ideally needs to be still). For other objects, dim light is preferred, and the source of light should be behind you.
  • Gaze with purpose, as if you are looking for something. Moment after moment, all you are doing is watching that point, without thinking about it.
  • Some Yoga texts mention trying to “pierce the object with your gaze”; others say that it should be a relaxed gaze. Probably a matter of experimentation to see what’s best.
  • Try not to blink, but don’t try too hard. The less thought you give to not blinking, the easiest it is.
  • Don’t strain your eyes. If you feel discomfort, then blink the eyes and continue the practice. But don’t move the pupils.
  • Don’t do trataka on a candle if you have cataracts, glaucoma, myopia, astigmatism or epilepsy.

Accepting the hard truth “The Perfect Partner Doesn’t Exist” makes life easier.

Many people dream of the perfect romance and a partner that will sweep us off of our feet and into the sunset of an eternally happy ever after. In fact, most of us are probably guilty of daydreaming about our “perfect match” sometimes. But how can it affect our real relationships when our partners don’t meet our picture perfect dreams? This doesn’t mean we should settle for someone we’re miserable with, but it does mean that we should always expect to put work into a relationship. Think of it as an artistic masterpiece; you and your partner are the tools and you have to work together to make the canvas beautiful. We can be happy and fulfilled in a relationship, but not if we expect the canvas to paint itself!

What are we Striving for?

“What we Strive for is, What we’re not. Look at An Apple tree which strives to be a full fledged Apple tree, bears leaves, tries to be a fully grown Apple tree and bears gift of Apple fruits. An Apple Tree Doesn’t strive to be a Mango Tree. Every Creatures Likewise tries to be full of what they’re. Only We Human Don’t know how to fully strive to being Human” – Keya

Your Career shouldn’t be the Purpose of your life. A Person Wants to be a Doctor or an  Engineer, Scientist or  Musician, Writer or a Poet. And once the person reaches his Goal he must be striving to make more money or higher Status.

For an Example :Doctors, on average, are also paid well, and have positions of high status. A sign of living happily. You’re Perfect Now. But, in essence Excellence is the very opposite of PerfectionismPerfectionism is losing your true self in the demands of society, and trying to emulate a person who is not you and whom you can never become. Excellence, on the other hand, is becoming the centre of your own universe, and from that grounded, centred position, shining your light into the world by using your unique talents.

I’ve found Six Practises to implement to strive Full Human. These are:

  1.  Accept The Hardship: All life demands struggle, including an Earthworm, a bird, King of Jungle Lion to an Ant. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person to become full fledged Human.
  2.  Someone will Always Have More Than You: It doesn’t matter what I achieve in life, someone, somewhere will always have more than we do. Someone will always be smarter, stronger, and will have more money.  The minute you figure that out, you will be a happier person.
  3. Everything Happens For a Reason:  This is a hard one for me too. It is a hard one for anyone really.  No one really knows why things happen.  I have to believe it is all part of a bigger plan.  Why do people get sick?  Why do people die?  Why do relationships end?  Why are we here?  Why are we dealt a bad hand?  Truthfully, only one person can answer that question.  Breathe.  Enjoy life.
  4. Trying to Control The Uncontrollable: I am an anxious person.  I am always trying to find out how I can control a situation.  You know, I can’t.  It is going to happen regardless.  If I have sleepless nights over losing a job because of a bad economy, then I have wasted energy.   If you are religious/Spiritual, you will trust that things will just have a way of working themselves out.
  5. Treating Every Day Like It is Your Last:  The one thing that is certain in this life is that we will  Embrace every moment.  Treasure friendships that are meaningful.  Spend time with the ones that mean the most to you.   Do things that this wonderful world has to offer.  Your judgement day will come one day. It may come sooner than you think 🙂
  6.  Showing Compassion: When they make mistakes or hurt you. Instead, try to put yourself in their shoes, and think…

“Excellence” is the gradual result of always striving to do better.

 

 

 

 

 

Irritability

Irritability – A Common Anxiety Symptom:

Irritability is a common symptom of anxiety – especially anxiety attacks. Those with severe anxiety often find that they’re easy to upset, and unfortunately this means that those close to you both literally (as in distance) and figuratively (as in close partners) are at risk for causing you to lash out because of this irritability.

In this article, we’ll explore this type of close irritability, including why it occurs and what you can do to reduce it.

Are You Irritable From Anxiety?

Anxiety attacks often make you extremely irritable in ways that are hard for you to control. This irritability is not you; it’s what comes from you trying too hard to manage your anxiety on your own.

Types of Close Irritability

Anxiety causes you to feel negative emotions often. It also gives less tolerance for additional stress and mental energy. The more severe your anxiety, the more likely irritability will occur.

It’s not unlike depression, where your mind is genuinely altered to have not necessarily negative thoughts, but worrisome thoughts that make it hard to cope with daily life. Many people with anxiety are “in their own head” 24 hours a day, trying as hard as they can to feel happier again.

When you are that close to the edge, it’s no wonder that so many people struggle to maintain their emotions, and are quick to negative ones. When you are dealing with so many anxiety symptoms at all times, you are in such a struggle with yourself that anything that adds to it makes it even harder to control in the future.

There are two types of close irritability:

  • Physically CloseThis is when you become more irritable when someone is nearby. It’s the reaction to feeling like you are without space to do this on your own, or like there is someone around you that is causing you more pressure and possibly making your anxiety worse.
  • Emotionally CloseThis is when you are more irritable around those that you care about. In a way, this type of irritability can cause added stress, because you regret the things you say and it can drive a wedge between you and the person you care for.

Both of these have similar, but ultimately different causes:

Physically Close

During anxiety – especially during an anxiety attack – anything that adds stress and pressure to your life can cause significant irritation. Unfortunately, those that are physically close to you are unintentionally causing that very stress.

In some cases it is internal. You may simply be embarrassed that you are suffering from so much anxiety or afraid that the person will see it and judge you. Some people simply become more stressed when they’re in anything that appears to be a social situation.

In some cases it’s external. You may find what they’re doing annoying in some way, like loud chewing. They may smell or be invading your personal space. Normally these are things you would be able to shrug off and ignore, but when you are dealing with so much anxiety it’s not uncommon to find that the anxiety makes you angry and upset at the person, even if you don’t know them.

Emotionally Close

It’s also not uncommon to become easily irritated by those that are emotionally close to you, like a significant other. The cause of this irritation is more complex:

  • You may find that it’s stressful that they don’t understand what you are going through.
  • You may find the emotions you see in their face when they see you to cause stress.
  • You may worry about disappointed them or causing them to think less of you.

You may also be far more prone to stress over the smallest criticism, in a way that is unfair to you and unfair to them. When you struggle with daily anxiety, it’s not uncommon for you to be barely hanging on and depend on your emotional partners to help you through it. So when they make even a slight criticism, it makes you feel much worse than it would if you weren’t suffering from intense anxiety.

Fear of being irritable can also increase irritation. If you’ve found yourself easily upset at a partner in the past, it’s not uncommon to be on edge any time your partner is near and you are suffering from intense anxiety.

The key thing to remember is that anxiety isn’t just worry. It’s the tendency toward negative emotions, along with physical and mental symptoms that make it hard to find life easy to manage.

Understanding Anxiety, Agitation and Restlessness

Anxiety changes emotions. If you’ve been dealing with anxiety for a long time, you’ve probably noticed that your anxiety has left you a different person. You may be a bit more agitated – a bit more restless – and you may find yourself quicker to experiencing annoyance or negative emotions. These are all a part of anxiety.

Agitation = Anxiety?

It’s hard to believe that agitation can be caused by anxiety, since it feels so natural. But feeling agitated and feeling restless are all a part of living with anxiety symptoms. You don’t have to live with these negative emotions forever.

Negative Emotions Are a Part of Anxiety

People think of anxiety as one emotion: anxiety itself. Few people realize that anxiety is a complete disorder, and one that causes a whole host of emotions and symptoms that often seem completely unrelated.

There are many different reasons that anxiety has a tendency to lead to agitation, and other negative feelings. Some include:

  • Nervous EnergyAt its core, agitation and restlessness are due to nervous energy. Anxiety provides a constant flow of adrenaline in your system. This adrenaline puts your entire body on edge, because it’s preparing you for “fight or flight” – an evolutionary system designed to keep you safe in times of danger. Of course, no danger is present, so that energy goes unused, and this leads to a feeling of being very agitated, as though something needs to happen that isn’t happening.
  • Negative TendenciesNot all agitation is physical. Anxiety has a tendency to cause the mind to notice and focus on the things that are negative – not only as a behavioral response to anxiety, but also because it alters brain chemistry in a way that may make it harder to see positive things. During periods of high anxiety – especially during or right before an anxiety attack – anything that may bother you becomes amplified, and you start to feel as though the world is an irritant.
  • Anxiety FatigueFinally, many people become more restless and on edge simply because they’re tired of the anxiety. Dealing with anxiety every day can often be very troubling, and eventually it’s not uncommon to feel annoyed at yourself and your anxiety every time you feel anxious. This, too, can cause agitation, and in some cases negative emotions may even cause you to last out at those around you.

Agitation can be defined in many different ways, and so too does anxiety seem to create agitation in many different ways as well. It’s not as simple as saying that your fight/flight system causes agitation or that you’re

Sadness, “the blues,” low mood, feeling glum, bummed out, or down for no clear reason.

  • No longer being interest in doing things that previously were compelling or interesting. In some cases, this escalates into a complete loss of interest in doing anything at all, and withdrawing from social activity. In other cases, the activity continues but pleasure/enjoyment ceases.
  • Appetite changes that result in weight changes: increases or decreases may be part of depression, but only significant weight loss is noted as diagnostic criterion.
  • Changes in sleep patterns: oversleeping (can’t get out of bed, sleeping excessive number of hours) or inability to sleep.
  • Feeling tired, washed out, and exhausted despite sleeping.
  • An increase in fidgety, purposeless movement such as pacing, nail biting, or chewing the insides of your mouth or a complete absence of such movements (the technical term for this is psychomotor agitation or retardation).
  • Excessive guilt and feeling worthless.
  • Difficulty concentrating, feeling overwhelmed or unable to complete basic mental or physical tasks; feeling unable to do “normal” activities such as driving, food shopping, answering emails, etc.
  • Thoughts of death, thoughts of suicide, plans of suicide, or attempting suicide.

How to Control the Agitation of Anxiety

That agitation can cause its own distress, which is why controlling it is so important. If you don’t control your agitation, you’ll find that it causes more anxiety which causes more agitation. Many people find that agitation tends to precipitate a panic attack, often because the feeling of being on edge puts your body on high alert, which in turn causes you to focus more on your anxiety.

The first key to controlling agitation is simply to learn not to fight it. It’s a symptom of your anxiety, and in many ways it’s important to simply accept that you’re going to be agitated, and remind yourself that anxiety is causing it. This is extremely important, because fighting agitation and fighting restlessness will cause you even more stress. These things aren’t going to simply go away just because you don’t want them, and you also need to not blame yourself for the way that you feel. Anxiety is simply not in your control.

Another strategy to reduce agitation is to work off that energy. Remember, adrenaline is pumping through your body because your body thinks you’re encountering some type of fear. The feeling of restlessness is often caused by all that adrenaline sitting there, going unused. So use it. Get moving. If you can run, go run, and if all you can do is walk around for a while then walk around for a while. Find a way to relieve some of that energy.

Other strategies to try include:

  • Mantra MeditationMantra meditation is a useful tool for reducing stressful thoughts and controlling breathing. Placing yourself in that type of relaxed environment can have a powerful effect on anxiety.
  • YellingSometimes, all you need is a good yell. If no one is around you and you’re in a place where no one will hear you, try yelling as loud as you can. Loud yelling releases some of that pent up energy.
  • LaughingFinally, if you can find anything to make you laugh, that can be a big help. Laughter can be very difficult when you’re suffering with agitation, but if there is anything in your life that consistently makes you laugh, focus on it. Laughter, like yelling, reduces some of that nervous energy and puts your mind on something much more positive.

Anxiety causes a great deal of buildup, which is why there are not many effective ways to simply relieve agitation on its own. You need to address the anxiety that causes that agitation in the first place. Only then can you truly control the agitation experience.

How to Respond to the Irritability of Anxiety

Irritability is something you can partially control. Irritation from those that are physically close to you requires you to simply learn to accept your own irritation and not act on it. As long as you don’t lash out, there isn’t that much harm. If you find yourself irritable, take a deep breath and remind yourself that anxiety is what’s causing it. If you can, get up and move. If not, you may need to deal with the irritation and then focus on reducing irritation another day.

Irritability with your partner or someone close to you is a bit easier to control. Consider the following important tips and strategies:

  • Communicate AlwaysYou may be embarrassed or ashamed when you have anxiety, but the person close to you needs to know. This is especially true if you are having (or think you are about to have) a panic attack. Tell your partner. Don’t let them guess, and make sure that you are open and talking about everything that you feel. Part of the irritation is from keeping it all inside and having your partner invade your space. Communicating ensures you are not doing that.
  • Apologize QuicklyAs soon as you realize you are being easily irritated, apologize. The longer you sit and get upset with yourself, the more you’ll fear irritation in the future and become more likely to be irritable. Be honest as well – make sure you tell your partner why you are irritable.
  • Explain What You NeedOften those close to you have no idea how to talk to you when you are anxious. Make sure that you are open with what you need. If you need someone nearby holding you, tell them. If you need them to try to avoid criticisms when you are suffering, tell them when the best time to talk to you is. Some people need those they care about to talk about something other than their anxiety as a distraction. Whatever you need, communicate it.

These aren’t going to stop the irritability, but they are going to help reduce the extent that your irritability affects you and those around you. You’ll still need to cure your anxiety if you truly want the irritability to go away.

I’ve worked with many irritable people in the past whose anxiety caused them to be emotional quickly. Please,  do not hesitate to contact me for online meditation and Pratyahara session!

Till then,  Take care 😊 Namaste!

My Email : keyadutta7in@gmail.com