Many people dream of the perfect romance and a partner that will sweep us off of our feet and into the sunset of an eternally happy ever after. In fact, most of us are probably guilty of daydreaming about our “perfect match” sometimes. But how can it affect our real relationships when our partners don’t meet our picture perfect dreams? This doesn’t mean we should settle for someone we’re miserable with, but it does mean that we should always expect to put work into a relationship. Think of it as an artistic masterpiece; you and your partner are the tools and you have to work together to make the canvas beautiful. We can be happy and fulfilled in a relationship, but not if we expect the canvas to paint itself!
She is tired of running after making money, he is tired of running after relationships, tired of running after competitions and then fell down and realised that they couldn’t go on any more. Seen and bearing an overwhelming burden of troubles and responsibility. They have already seen it all, can do it all and want nothing except to rest in peace.
And then they suddenly start to see life in a different way. It often happens against a background of too much work, of feeling completely run-down and experiencing ridiculous levels of stress. When you’ve ended up in a hospital, you end up understand a thing or two about life.
Tired people, bit by bit, are the ones who manage to change everything, and change themselves. They learn to live again, managing to subjugate their circumstances to themselves, their own needs and requirements, their desires, and their biological clock. They take full control of their life by not trusting the moods and decisions of their employers. They they take up watercolour painting and read lots of books; they learn to cook; they go for walks in a park and play with their kids. They learn how to just breathe again, having understood that having enough money for just one handbag, as it turns out, is quite enough.
They learn to live here and now, enjoying every minute.
This is why for quite a long time already we’ve had such terms as ’downshifting’ and anti-consumerist societies; this is why freelancing and spending winters in huts in India is so popular.
Success. This definition of it, the whole idea of it, is arguably one of the biggest lies we ever get told in our lives.
None of this stuff is important.
But the only people who can realise it are the people who are deeply tired of life, for whom nothing matters as much as peace of mind. The chance to not have to run anywhere, not to prove anything to anybody. To live, rather than just survive till the end.
Avoid the “I Just Need To Work Harder” Trap
If you tend to react to stress, struggling, or exhaustion by attempting to just work harder, try slowing down instead.
As above, you’re likely already trying your best. Telling yourself that the answer to solving your problems is just working harder isn’t likely to be an accurate thought.
The trap here is that by telling yourself the problem is not working hard enough, you’re likely to close yourself off to trying new ways of coping. An example I see in my practice all the time is people who respond to overeating by telling themselves they just need to try harder to stick to their diet next time. By attributing the problem to not trying hard enough, they try to solve it throughwillpower rather than seeking other strategies.
“Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.” – Wikipedia
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive
“The state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another”
The problem is, when we commit too fast, we don’t give the potential union enough time to develop the trust it will need to survive the meatballs people bring into relationships.
**It is a very common thing to get into relationships to avoid or forget problems. Victims of bad parenting or a history of abuse are often seen getting into such relationships as a means of escape. Many people often jump from relationship to relationship by embarking on a “rebound” before they give themselves time to heal from the hurt, pain, or loneliness from their previous relationship. Such bonds may bring passion, purpose and excitement in the short term, but fail to survive, as they are not based on love.
Al the wrong Reasons:
Post break-up blues:
Sometimes the sadness and depression which accompany virtually every relationship breakdown don’t kick in until six to nine months later and this difficult time can be made even more painful and complex if you¿re already in another relationship.
‘The emotional effects of a break-up nearly always catch up with you at some point and can have a serious effect on how you behave towards your new partner,’ says Julia. ‘He may well find your sudden unhappiness bewildering and inexplicable – after all, he thought you were contented with him – and this can place a lot of pressure on both of you.’
Splitting up is painful and distressing and falling in love with someone new initially takes away the hurt,’ says relationships expert Julia Cole. ‘When you’ve had this sort of knock, it’s natural and understandable to be with someone who makes you feel better but ultimately the healing process takes longer
This is probably the most dangerous reason why you would want to be in a relationship. There are so many things to do in life to make it more interesting and if you decide to choose a relationship in order to pass the time you will not end up with a life full of happiness. Relationships are about the giving of yourself and the other person giving to you. It is not a hobby to relieve boredom. Don’t go find a boyfriend just so you have someone to take road trips with and eat lunch with at the park. Maybe you should consider meeting new friends, or getting a dog to fill your time, not a man.
Scared to be Alone:
Invariably this leads to choosing the wrong person. The majority of those who get into a relationship for the wrong reasons fall into this category. Many people tend to feel worthless or lacking something when they are single or lonely, but jumping into a relationship to “solve” this will only turn into a huge regret later.
For both men and women, ending a marriage can leave you an emotional mess. It is common to cycle through a range of feelings including anger, depression, anxiety, confusion and loneliness.
Divorce can be a shock to the system to go from having a spouse — even one who hasn’t really been there for you — to truly being alone. This emotionally fragile state can make for an extremely difficult adjustment, which leads many recent divorcees to (unhealthily) jump right into another relationship, commonly referred to as a rebound.
Influenced by Others:
The approval of family and friends is reflected in the way we take their advice. In order not to look like the odd one out, we may listen to their suggestions and date someone that we had no intention of dating. Long lasting and happy relationships start with a solid foundation. The foundation should be the reason that you have decided to embark on a relationship in the first place. A solid foundation will keep you grounded when the storms break out around your relationship. If your foundation is weak, then what you invested in may fall apart. Many times men and women get into relationships because of friends. Many people tend to think ‘Everyone else have someone, why not me?’
Wants a Challenge:
Many times people try to win over others because they are unavailable and are intrigued by a challenge. Winning over a man could be considered a triumph to you and a prize you wont stop fighting for until you get it. Unfortunately the reason that person might not have been available from the start is because they either are already in a relationship, or they just aren’t into you. Not to say that a little bit of a challenge isn’t fun and exciting, but be sure you are fighting for an available and good guy. You’d hate to end up with the “bad, hard to get guy” just to find out he’s just that, a bad guy!
Rebounds seem like a good idea at first:
It’s a fairly common attitude that if you want to get over someone who left you feeling hurt, you go out and find someone new to replace them. This is a simple form of distraction that numbs you from feeling the pain of losing a committed relationship, and it really makes a lot of sense — who wants to feel the full force of heartbreak?
You Have To Learn To Be Happy Being Alone
Speaking of not depending on other people – you really need to learn to be happy being on your own. If you can’t be happy single, then you can’t be happy in a relationship. This means spending some time being totally single. You’ll learn more about yourself and what you want. And that’s important! Practicing Solitude brings so much peace and meaning to life.
Jealousy – A new way of self destruction!
Why do people become jealous?
One of the things few people know about is that jealousy is one of the most dangerous emotions people can experience if not the most dangerous one.
Jealousy is one of those demons that just seems to take everything over when it is felt – even when you know on the inside that your jealousy doesn’t make sense somehow, it often still rips through and takes you hostage. Many people even go so far as to call jealousy an innate emotion, as though, no matter what, we will always feel some jealousy sometimes, and there’s nothing we can do to help that.
Some people even think jealousy is a healthy thing, because it means that you care. You know that you are in love, it is said, when you feel tremendous pangs of jealousy about that special love that you share being shared with somebody else. Without jealousy and other associated negative involuntary emotions, the relationship might as well end, it is said, because then you have no more passionate divine spark. If you don’t ever get jealous, it must mean that you can turn your emotions on and off at a whim, and thus no more organic drive exists to feel.
why do people become jealous?:
- Perceived competition:
- If someone doesn’t care about wrestling then he might not pay any attention to you if you became a wrestling champion but if he cares about finding a good job then there is a big possibility that he will experience jealousy if he saw you landing a good job. So mainly jealousy happens where there is perceived competition.
- Being unsure of his skills: It is said that If a person was 100% sure that he can do that same thing you did then he will never feel jealous, however, if he had some doubts then he might feel jealous. The intensity of jealousy will depend upon the intensity of these self doubts
- Being in need: If someone needs money the most then he will certainly feel jealous upon finding you financially successful, on the other hand, a rich person might feel jealous of a financially successful person but his jealousy won’t be that intense compared to a person who is really in need of money
I want to correct some assumptions here – because it is obvious, if you look around you enough, that there are people who do not ever really feel jealousy. I am one of them. Such people do not have shallower emotions; rather, they have an inbuilt understanding that channels negative emotions away from feelings of jealousy. This holds a lot of hope for those other folks who tend to become prisoner to jealousy’s grip: it’s not an inevitable process.
Root causes behind jealousy:
- Jealousy root cause #1:Lack of self confidence: The main cause for feelings of jealousy are your doubts about your abilities or skills. If you were one hundred percent sure of yourself you would have never suffered from any jealousy feelings
- Jealousy root cause #2: Poor self image : Having a poor self image is another cause of jealousy. If you believe that you look ugly or that you are not that handsome then chances are you’ll be experiencing feeling of jealousy whenever you meet someone who looks better than you
- Jealousy root cause #3: Fear : One of the root causes behind jealousy is being afraid. This fear can be a fear of ending up alone, a fear of being rejected or a fear of losing the love of your partner.
How to handle with Haters and and Jealous People:
- Never take it personally: Know that when a person is jealous with you, it’s nothing to do with you. Basically, it’s his own lack of confidence.
- Ignore people’s jealousy and hateful comment: pay no heed to comments from jealous people tells them you are not going to validate their feelings.
- Be humble: While people can become jealous of a humble person still the jealousy would be much less intense than if the person was arrogant.
- Reduce your negative interactions with the person: If you can change your environment or social dynamics it will reduce the jealous person’s ability to influence you.
- Hang out with people who support you, people who are positive, so the hater is less likely to confront you when you’re with a group.
- When you see the jealous person, initiate first to speak with a polite greeting then move on.
- Do not appear swank: At least in front of those who are in need the most. If a friend didn’t find a job and is in a bad need for money then you shouldn’t mention your financial success in front of him at all
- Offer help: Certainly helping someone who is in need will reduce jealousy and in many cases eliminate it. Help people who are in need and you will reduce their jealousy.
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Traditionally, a woman who has the manners or qualities of a member of a privileged or superior class, possess high qualities, prestigious, stylish and elegant is the definition of a classy woman. But, how many of women have this great compound?
There is a pleasure of being an absolute woman, a classy and elegant woman in the society, for yourself, for your man, and for your children too. Being classy isn’t just being a makeup expert or owning haute couture and expensive car. It is more substantial than you think. Do you want to achieve this high qualities of class and elegance?
Is ‘Classiness’ Important?
Firstly, it is a more beautiful way of doing and experiencing life. It is quality.
Maybe you’ll like to socialize with people you admire. People who are refined will identify you as “one of them”. Maybe you want to do business with high net worth clients.
Because you’ve acquired these common traits with the ‘classy folks’, they’ll identify you as one of their own. They would want to socialize with you, do business with you or marry you. They also would welcome the association of your children.
Every woman wants a true gentleman, they want to be treated right and they deserve it. However, you must be and act like a lady to attract a true gentleman.
Having these connections can help you access opportunities not available to you before!
How to be classy?
1. Tender and friendly toned of voice.
2. Introduce yourself with confident saying not only “Hello” but also ” Nice to meet you”.
3. She is not boastful.
4. She never talks with a mouth full of food.
5. While at any religious place, meetings, or at meals a classy lady turns her phone off or puts it on silent. She gives her attention to what is going on in front of her and expects the same.
6. She is gentle, has sympathetic eyes, and treats everyone with equal empathy.
7. A classy woman never talks loud, she always keeps her cool…like a gentle breeze.. 🙂
8. She is honest.
9. She is Empathetic, kind and she treats everyone not familiar with her with “aloof kindness”
10. She is not rude.
11. She has a warm and firm clasp (of her hand)
12. A classy woman likes cheerfulness and positiveness.
13. She loves truthfulness and goodness.
14. A classy woman is youthful but mature.
15. A classy woman never wears too much make-up or wears cheap make-up. She buys less make up but of high quality.
16. She eats healthy and has some good knowledge about food too.
17. A classy woman has great sensibility and substance…. 🙂
18. She self educate herself about culture, worldly-affairs, history, cooking, nurturing kids, home-decor, hygiene.
19. A classy woman do charity….remember Princess Diana!!! ❤
20. She is stylish. A classy lady knows her body and what suits her the best. She knows what to wear on which occasion.
Smile* Divine ❤
“Have you seen what wolves do to their prey? But they do mate for life.”
Yes, we women are genetically and epigentically different from men. The field of psychology has identified numerous differences mental functions and behavior of women and men. However, many feminist and changing priorities in women disprove the fact of this biological term!
I , myself give lots of importance to logic than emotions for being “one man woman” than biological or old rituals. Women who aren’t Hardwired for Monogamy or many women who think being monogamous is just as good as fiction, still large society of women specially in Asia, Europe, Australia or South-American have good reason to stay monogamous. There are certainly many benefits of why these large group of women believe to be monogamous are –
1. Sexually unfaithful individuals were less likely to be trustful.
2. Respect: We pursue respect from our society, family and our own children.
3. We lose our best partner to share every important moments from life.
4. You think about your children and their upbringing more than anything else.
5. Financial crisis.
6. Social security and protection for the woman and her children.
7. It’s stressful to find like-minded partner again.
8. You crave for accomplishment.
9. Intelligent women are not short-sighted and they plan for their old age and want to share every epilogue to continue till rest of her life.
10. You want to prove that you’re much stronger to face all the downturns of the same man.
“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” – Coco Chanel
Do you ever desired to be called a ” Classy woman” by everyone? Well, you have to designate yourself into good practice, discipline and hard work too. Here I have some list of benefits, for you being a “Classy woman” ~
1. Reliable: A classy lady is a woman of her word. She has a respectable reputation based on her consistency of her word. She keeps her promises and obligations. She’s known amongst her friends and family as someone who is dependable.
2. Respectable: People respect classy lady because she respect herself and others too.
3. Inspiration: A classy lady is an inspiration to many. The number one reason why the most global Cause Ambassadors are Classy women. Remember Lady Diana?
4. Dating & Relationship: Good, Rich and generous Men are biologically inclined to marry a good and Classy woman.
5. Disciplined: A classy lady has her own priorities and dignities not be carried away by late night parties, hang over, self-abused, over talkative, gossiping. Instead, she is more productive things to do whether cooking something delicious and healthy, doing exercise, reading books, going out with her friends for lunch or shopping, getting regular skin and beauty treatment done, keeping herself updated with worldly affair etc.
Dear Divine! I would also like to post on “Classy Women Behavior” next. Hope, you will be already in frame of mind to the Fabulous and “Classy Woman”