Restlessness

Restlessness – that suffering from everday lethal

I feel like “something more” to do with my careers and my  life. These constant fear makes me a little sad and maybe resentful. Is this you too?

The restlessness, shallowness, sadness and resentment can’t be blamed on someone else, friends, family or any unwelcomed situations. You feel these emotions because your choices have left you disconnected with yourself. Making life choices based on what eases your fears instead of what fulfils you is an act of self-denial. You miss your passionate, joyful, grateful self.

Our minds are filled with the vast possibilities the world has to offer, and technology makes us feel that all these possibilities are just within our reach. But the realities of our lives really haven’t changed much. Many aspects of our lives have sped up and become easier, but lots of things haven’t. We can instantly chat with our friend in South Africa, but we’re no closer to instantly teleporting there. Tons of information is available on the web but it still takes just as long as it ever did to read and absorb it. We still need to get jobs and pay rent and work at our relationships.

Cure:

#Expectations (Being real): Every man must have lofty aims and ambitions. But he must temper his expectations with a dose of reality. Not all of us are going to be rich and famous. We need to honestly assess what we’re really capable of.

#Too many informations : Restlessness is an indication that your brain is on an over-drive, in that it has gained a lot of undue momentum. Sometimes I actually don’t like browsing a bookstore because there are so many books, and I can get to feeling overwhelmed by it. That goes with internet informations, too many endorsements etc.

#Small Steps : Once you understand what can do and what you want do, you can start taking steps toward those things. You have to just choose one thing at a time to tackle. Making small, steady victories will cure your restlessness. Your mind simply wants to feel as if you are moving forward. So make that first step.

#Avoiding Deluded Ideas: You can see restless behavior in people who are holding on to deluded ideas about life, where they are waiting for that perfect “something” to happen which they think will complete them. Honestly,  there no such “perfect time or thing”. We might had many moments in recent past, for which we forgot to count the blessings!

Other strategies to try include:

  • Mantra Meditation : Mantra meditation is a useful tool for reducing stressful thoughts and controlling breathing. Placing yourself in that type of relaxed environment can have a powerful effect on anxiety.
  • Yelling : Sometimes, all you need is a good yell. If no one is around you and you’re in a place where no one will hear you, try yelling as loud as you can. Loud yelling releases some of that pent up energy.
  • Laughing : Finally, if you can find anything to make you laugh, that can be a big help. Laughter can be very difficult when you’re suffering with agitation, but if there is anything in your life that consistently makes you laugh, focus on it. Laughter, like yelling, reduces some of that nervous energy and puts your mind on something much more positive.
  • Being Creative : Being creative is a beautiful way to express ourselves positively, paving the way to expressing ourselves to the world in a positive way, making positive changes in our own lives effects actions we bring out to the world.
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Refuse to be Stagnant

The point is to keep trying new things, meeting new people, visiting new places. Once you settle into a rut, no matter how fun that rut may seem, you stagnate. You might as well be dead.

The poor man retains the prejudices of his forefathers without their faith, and their ignorance without their virtues; he has adopted the doctrine of self-interest as the rule of his actions, without understanding the science which puts it to use; and his selfishness is no less blind than was formerly his devotedness to others. If society is tranquil, it is not because it is conscious of its strength and its well-being, but because it fears its weakness and its infirmities; a single effort may cost it its life. Everybody feels the evil, but no one has courage or energy enough to seek the cure. The desires, the repinings, the sorrows, and the joys of the present time lead to no visible or permanent result, like the passions of old men, which terminate in impotence.

Entire careers, entire life paths, are carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations. In my situation I have cracked MBA entrance,  then there for many years as a HR which couldn’t feed my craving spiritualism or creativity. At some point of my life, I found myself stucked in some area – morally, intellectually, physically, spiritually, creatively. The term creativity itself a spirituality (which is a different topic to discuss next). I tried writing on spiritual journals to motivational speech to Yoga teaching to Story telling and finally making films. My present career status is : I AM A DOER. I am freelancer, an tiny winny entrepreneur, a writer, yoga and motivational speaker and a filmmaker. May be few years later I would like to try something new again. I will keep evolving. And this is how I literally live everyday.  But this journey which was not so easy, not so easy to survive in this materialistic world, sometimes not even rational too. I  Life is dynamic. It is not static. All living things are either growing and increasing toward maturity, or deteriorating toward decay and death. So how about you — are you growing?

How do I know that I am in a Stagnation. These are the most significant signs :

  • If you have been experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals
  • If you don’t ever feel like doing anything
  • If you keep turning to sleep, eating, games, mindless activities and entertainment for comfort
  • If you know you should be doing something, but yet you keep avoiding it
  • If you have not achieved anything new or significant now relative to 1 month, 2 months or 3 months ago
  • If you have a deep sense of feeling that you are living under your potential

Dr. Chanter, in his brilliant History of Human Thought in the Twentieth Century, has made the suggestion that only a very small proportion of people are capable of acquiring new ideas of political or social behaviour after they are twenty-five years old. On the other hand, few people become directive in these matters until they are between forty and fifty. Then they prevail for twenty years or more. The conduct of public affairs therefore is necessarily twenty years or more behind the living thought of the times. This is what Dr. Chanter calls the “delayed
realisation of ideas.

In summary, here’s a list of things I try to remind myself whenever I’m faced with trying something new:

  1. Trying something new often requires courage. And needing to summon courage is itself a benefit. Once it’s released it will, like its second cousin once removed, anger, indiscriminately engulf everything in its path. How wonderful to open a flood of courage and be carried on its waves to destinations of unexpected benefit.
  2. Trying something new opens up the possibility for you to enjoy something new. Entire careers, entire life paths, are carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations.
  3. Trying something new keeps you from becoming bored. Even I, the most routine-loving person I know, become bored if I’m not continually challenged in some way. And it’s not the new challenges I’m eager to take on that represent my greatest opportunities for growth—it’s the ones I’m not.
  4. Trying something new forces you to grow. We don’t ever grow from taking action we’ve always taken (the growth that enabled us to be able to take it has already occurred). Growth seems to require we take new action first, whether it’s adopting a new attitude or a new way of thinking, or literally  taking new action. Thrusting yourself into new situations and leaving yourself there alone, so to speak, often forces beneficial change. A spirit of constant self-challenge keeps you humble and open to new ideas that very well may be better than the ones you currently hold dear (this happens to me all the time).

Few Traits of Highly Intelligent People

Aristotle said it best:

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

It is never a good idea to stick to the same regimented routine. Rules are meant to be broken – but take that with a grain of salt. What Aristotle meant here was that in most cases, real geniuses, who are among the top 2% of our nation’s population, often times are the ones to defy the status quo and make literature bite it’s tongue.

  1. Stare more at the walls than people.
  2. Imagination never leaves them. Without imagination, they are nothing.
  3. Leave the group when they find people in them incompatible to them.
  4. Generally polite, mature, good knowledge about philosophy of life.
  5. Find uncomfortable to follow the rules.
  6. Struggle a lot in their work. That is what gives them happiness.
  7. Lot of self-respect for themselves.
  8. In silence, they are always happy and peaceful.
  9. All they need is love. That can attract them strongly.
  10. Love the company of curious people.

Are debates of any use – A psychological point of view

Can debates really lead to any positive outcomes?
Can you really convince someone to change their beliefs?
The answer according to psychology is no, at least in most cases.

First of all let me make it clear that i am not talking about a normal conversation where both people are willing to listen and even change their minds if they were proven wrong but i am rather talking about the emotionally charged debates that take place between people everyday.

People develop certain beliefs because those beliefs allow them to maintain their psychological stability. This is why a threat to any of those beliefs is considered a direct threat to the person’s psychological stability.

In other words when a person gets into a debate he/she might no longer care about what’s right and what’s wrong as much as he cares about maintaining his psychological stability.

While debating a typical person will take a debate very personally because it represents his beliefs, values, personality, opinions and even self worth.

Let me give you more details to make this clear.

What do people do to protect their beliefs

Here are some of the common things humans do to protect their own beliefs:

  • 1) Selective perception: If a person wants to believe in something he will discard all the data that proves otherwise and will only focus on the little pieces of data that can prove him right. When a human uses selective perception you will hardly be able to argue with them for they will only see what they want to see and they will ignore everything else
  • 2) They develop double standards: In order for a person to maintain his beliefs he will have to develop double standards in order to find a way out when he gets stuck, habing said that developing double standards is essential for some people to maintain their psychological stability
  • 3) They see things from one angle: In order for a person to maintain a belief, that helps him become psychologically stable, he will have to look at things from a certain angle and refuse to look from any other angle. In other words a person could claim that a white sheep is black just because admitting otherwise will threaten his psychological stability.
  • 4) They will never change their opinion: Even if the person was provided with enough evidence he will still resist the new beliefs and come up with more arguments just to maintain his psychological stability.

People won’t change their minds

People don’t defend their arguments because they care about those arguments but they defend them because losing would result in a serious psychological instability such as loss of self esteem, discovering that they wasted their lives for nothing, realizing that they are guilty…etc.

The reason people defend their arguments fiercely is that they are usually defending things that are much bigger than those simple arguments.

But do all people do that?

Off course not. I believe that there are sane and emotionally intelligent people out there who debate with the purpose of finding the truth. Debates will certainly work with those people. The only problem is that those people are a minority.

Changing negative core beliefs

Inner Engineering

People carry negative beliefs about themselves and they also don’t succeed in life for the same reason.

This is how to change negative core beliefs

Before you can know how negative core beliefs are changed you first need to know few things about the inner works of your mind.

If you believed that you have a certain bad personality trait (like for example thinking that you are boring) then certainly you will keep encountering evidence that supports your negative belief not because there are real life evidences but because people give different interpretations to events according to their own belief system.

A person who believes that he is boring will associate all the rejections he gets with the belief of being boring . Now if something happened that made this person think, even for few moments, that he is not boring then he will quickly recall all of the events he interpreted incorrectly and he will give them different meanings.

If after some time another thing happened that forced that person to think that he is boring once again then he will recall all of these events once again and give them the old meanings he initially gave them.

So how can core negative beliefs can be changed?

In the Inner Engineering program, You first need to believe that you are not boring and as a result you will change the structure of your own memories to prove your new belief true.

I am not a supporter of the “think positively and wait for the magic” school simply because it never works. In order to believe that you are not boring you need to do something that proves to your subconscious mind that you are really not boring.

Once you can prove this fact to yourself your core negative belief will be changed and all the memories associated with it will be given different meanings.

In short here is what you need to do to change a negative core belief:

  • 1) Impress yourself: Do something that makes your subconscious mind believe that you are really good or in other words impress yourself
  • 2) Changing old memories: Once you do the previous step you must then move on to changing the old memories you had by giving them different meanings other than the ones you initially gave them
  • 3) Wait: Once you do the previous 2 steps your mind will work on weakening your negative core beliefs and it will help you acquire new positive ones

Why do some people change their mind so Fast

What happened! I was happy moments ago

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You were feeling good or at least not feeling bad then suddenly and without prior notices your mood changed completely. Did that ever happen to you?

Those kinds of mood swings are so common that its impossible for a normal human being not to experience them. For the first instance those mood swings might seem like a mysterious event because they can’t be explained but when you learn how to analyze what’s going on you will no wonder. If you  consciously monitor the thoughts that fly in your mind for they can provide a clue on most of the emotional changes you experience.

 

why do my emotions change so fast

There are three main factors that interact together to change your mood at any given time, here they are:

  • 1) External data: You were on your way home feeling good then suddenly saw something that reminded you of the 50,000 INR you have to pay in a week and so you felt a bit worse. Each day you receive millions of bits of information through your different senses. Some of these bits can’t just spoil your day but they can make you feel horrible if you didn’t interpret them correctly and this takes us to the next point
  • 2) The meaning you give to the data: If in the previous example you said to yourself something like “I will invest those 50000 INR  and get 70,000 INR in return few month later” then this piece of information won’t make you feel bad but on the contrary it will make you feel better. In other words, what’s more important than the data you are receiving is the meaning you give to it
  • 3) Thoughts that come from within: Sometimes a flying thought just passes by into your head even if nothing in the external world reminded you of it. Those are sometimes called automatic negative thoughts. Such negative thoughts come from within because of the existence of negative beliefs. Just like rotten food emits a bad smell your negative beliefs result in so many negative thoughts

How can these mood swings be stopped?

Just as you saw a combination of those 3 factors can change your mood from total happiness to extreme sadness in just few minutes. In order to prevent those factors from ruining your mood you must stick to the following tips whenever possible:

  • 1) Learn to think consciously: Many of the negative thoughts visit you while you are consciously focused on something else. In other words, in so many cases you might not even notice the thought that triggered the mood change and thus end up feeling bad without knowing why. The first step in preventing those mood changes is to keep an eye on the thoughts that pass through your mind
  • 2) How to handle a negative thought: Once you get a negative thought and become aware of it you need to handle it properly because if you didn’t it will be added to the pile of negative thoughts and ruin your mood. The best way to handle those thoughts is to write them down then consciously think of possible ways of ending the problems causing them. Lets suppose you felt bad because you discovered that you have gained weight recently. In such a way unless you take a vow to exercise or reduce your food intake then your mood will change to the worse
  • 3) Get rid of the negative beliefs: The presence of one negative belief can release hundreds of negative thoughts per day! Now how many negative beliefs do you have? Did you try to deal with them? Do you have a plan to change them? Even if the external environment didn’t send you unpleasant reminders your negative beliefs can still ruin your mood as a result of the negative thoughts they emit