“Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.” – Wikipedia
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive
“The state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another”
The problem is, when we commit too fast, we don’t give the potential union enough time to develop the trust it will need to survive the meatballs people bring into relationships.
**It is a very common thing to get into relationships to avoid or forget problems. Victims of bad parenting or a history of abuse are often seen getting into such relationships as a means of escape. Many people often jump from relationship to relationship by embarking on a “rebound” before they give themselves time to heal from the hurt, pain, or loneliness from their previous relationship. Such bonds may bring passion, purpose and excitement in the short term, but fail to survive, as they are not based on love.
Al the wrong Reasons:
Post break-up blues:
Sometimes the sadness and depression which accompany virtually every relationship breakdown don’t kick in until six to nine months later and this difficult time can be made even more painful and complex if you¿re already in another relationship.
‘The emotional effects of a break-up nearly always catch up with you at some point and can have a serious effect on how you behave towards your new partner,’ says Julia. ‘He may well find your sudden unhappiness bewildering and inexplicable – after all, he thought you were contented with him – and this can place a lot of pressure on both of you.’
Splitting up is painful and distressing and falling in love with someone new initially takes away the hurt,’ says relationships expert Julia Cole. ‘When you’ve had this sort of knock, it’s natural and understandable to be with someone who makes you feel better but ultimately the healing process takes longer
This is probably the most dangerous reason why you would want to be in a relationship. There are so many things to do in life to make it more interesting and if you decide to choose a relationship in order to pass the time you will not end up with a life full of happiness. Relationships are about the giving of yourself and the other person giving to you. It is not a hobby to relieve boredom. Don’t go find a boyfriend just so you have someone to take road trips with and eat lunch with at the park. Maybe you should consider meeting new friends, or getting a dog to fill your time, not a man.
Scared to be Alone:
Invariably this leads to choosing the wrong person. The majority of those who get into a relationship for the wrong reasons fall into this category. Many people tend to feel worthless or lacking something when they are single or lonely, but jumping into a relationship to “solve” this will only turn into a huge regret later.
For both men and women, ending a marriage can leave you an emotional mess. It is common to cycle through a range of feelings including anger, depression, anxiety, confusion and loneliness.
Divorce can be a shock to the system to go from having a spouse — even one who hasn’t really been there for you — to truly being alone. This emotionally fragile state can make for an extremely difficult adjustment, which leads many recent divorcees to (unhealthily) jump right into another relationship, commonly referred to as a rebound.
Influenced by Others:
The approval of family and friends is reflected in the way we take their advice. In order not to look like the odd one out, we may listen to their suggestions and date someone that we had no intention of dating. Long lasting and happy relationships start with a solid foundation. The foundation should be the reason that you have decided to embark on a relationship in the first place. A solid foundation will keep you grounded when the storms break out around your relationship. If your foundation is weak, then what you invested in may fall apart. Many times men and women get into relationships because of friends. Many people tend to think ‘Everyone else have someone, why not me?’
Wants a Challenge:
Many times people try to win over others because they are unavailable and are intrigued by a challenge. Winning over a man could be considered a triumph to you and a prize you wont stop fighting for until you get it. Unfortunately the reason that person might not have been available from the start is because they either are already in a relationship, or they just aren’t into you. Not to say that a little bit of a challenge isn’t fun and exciting, but be sure you are fighting for an available and good guy. You’d hate to end up with the “bad, hard to get guy” just to find out he’s just that, a bad guy!
Rebounds seem like a good idea at first:
It’s a fairly common attitude that if you want to get over someone who left you feeling hurt, you go out and find someone new to replace them. This is a simple form of distraction that numbs you from feeling the pain of losing a committed relationship, and it really makes a lot of sense — who wants to feel the full force of heartbreak?
You Have To Learn To Be Happy Being Alone
Speaking of not depending on other people – you really need to learn to be happy being on your own. If you can’t be happy single, then you can’t be happy in a relationship. This means spending some time being totally single. You’ll learn more about yourself and what you want. And that’s important! Practicing Solitude brings so much peace and meaning to life.